By SETH HYNES
GOOD taste prevailed at the Oscars!
The fantastic Birdman received Best Picture instead of Boyhood, which means I won my wager and don’t have to write a positive review of Fifty Shades of Grey anymore.
While Fifty Shades isn’t actually that bad – it’s beautifully shot and has an admittedly effective ending – a worse movie would be more entertaining.
And don’t get me wrong – it’s got flaws to spare.
Infatuated innocent Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) and her sadomasochistic billionaire partner Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) are flat, blandly written robots without a drop of chemistry.
The dialogue is soap-opera corny, the film is paced like a glacier and there is barely any dramatic tension to keep you engaged, narratively or emotionally.
Even the kinkiness gets stale.
As a feminist (yes, male feminists exist), I find BDSM troubling, but I’m not about to tell anyone that their sexuality is wrong.
Many dominant-submissive relationships operate on a firm basis of mutual respect and role-play.
There is scarcely any of this in the film; Christian’s relationship with Anastasia is disturbingly cold, technical and one-sided.
It’s all about Anastasia submitting to Grey’s pleasures, not what she gets out of it.
This isn’t even the kind of bad that elicits a strong, passionate reaction, like a The Room or Plan 9 From Outer Space.
It’s just dull, plodding and inept.
– Seth Hynes
